How I Regret Your Mother

I used to look forward to How I Met Your Mother every week. Unfortunately, the show has pretty much run its course. The writers seem to be out of ideas, falling back on sitcom cliches more and more. I may be forgetting something, but as far as I can recall, there hasn't been a really great episode of this show since the ones following Marshall's dad's death. After seven years, I've gone from wondering How will it end? to pleading When will it end? Still I'm determined to see it through even though, aside from the titular mystery, the only unresolved plot line I'm remotely concerned about anymore is whether Lily's repeatedly expressed desire to make out with Robin will go unrequited.

I read a few months ago that all of the principal actors' contracts expire at the end of this season. That has given me some hope that the end is coming soon, and all will be revealed. I don't know if I can sit through another season of recycled or ever-more-ridiculous plots. With that hope comes conjecture. Here are some of my ideas for how the show will end:

• Anyone familiar with the show would not be surprised if the kids found a way to bribe or trick one of their "uncles" or "aunts" into wrapping up the story approximately ten years before rambling dad Ted would.
• At the beginning of the final episode, future Ted actor Bob Saget says, "Kids, enough of this crap. Let me tell you another story..." and launches into a 22-minute rendition of "The Aristocrats."
• "Kids, back in 2012 there were lots of ads on the Internet for eastern European women wanting to meet American men. Let me tell you how I ordered your mother..."
• "Kids, the truth is... I never met your mother. You're adopted."
• "Kids, back in 2012 we all thought the world was going to end on December 21 because of some Mayan calendar b.s. So on December 20, I decided to bang every sentient, consenting female I could find. And one of them was your mother. Just don't tell her she was number five."

Any other ideas?