"Greenies are safe if they are fed properly and chewed by the dog," said Joe Roetheli, founder and chief executive officer of [manufacturer] S&M NuTec. "We really want people to read the directions and follow them.""Fed properly?" Does that mean "crushed to bits with a 10-pound sledge before feeding?" That might work. And "chewed by the dog?" Just how does one make a dog chew food before swallowing? Mastication isn't exactly their strong point. Our dog Teddy practically inhaled anything that would fit in his mouth. He used to eat a 1/4-pound hamburger patty in three gulps or less. Rosco is a little better, but that has nothing to do with our influence as owners. It's not like you can tell a dog to chew thirty-two times before swallowing. Well, you can tell a dog whatever you want, but don't expect it to obey. No Greenies for us, thank you.
And don't get me started on the company's name. "S&M NuTec" sounds like Space Age bondage gear.