Today I was thinking about $cientology, and it didn’t even involve mean thoughts about Tom Cruise. With the adorable Katie Holmes, who once vowed chastity until marriage, carrying his demon spawn (oops, so much for being nice), there has been a lot of talk about “silent birth,” a recommended practice for $cientologists (church officials “say silent birth is practiced at the discretion of the parents and their doctor”). The idea is that birth is a traumatic experience for the baby (not that it’s any picnic for the mom), and being quiet during the birthing process is supposed to make it a little less so.
So why in the world was I thinking about this? Well, today we gave our dog Rosco a bath, and he did not look pleased (I was thrilled because in less than fifteen minutes I saved $40 that my wife would have spent on a groomer). Since getting a bath is clearly a traumatic experience for Rosco, I wonder if we should do it quietly. Could reassuring words like “it’s okay…you’re a good boy” actually do terrible harm to his fragile psyche? And will it cost us thousands of dollars in $cientological “therapy” to repair the damage? I don’t know, but I’m going to trademark “silent bath” before Tom and Katie steal my idea.